As children move into the teen years, their peers have more influence over them - good and, potentially, bad. Talk with your child about peer pressure and the natural desire to want to belong or fit in with others Remind them that not all peer pressure is bad. Friends encourage each other to try out for the team, audition for the play, or introduce each other to favorite hobbies, books, movies, and activities. Friends support each other and can be a positive influence. Encourage your child to be the kind of friend that is a positive influence for their friends.
Peer pressure is problematic when young people feel pushed by their peers to do something they don’t really want to do or that is too risky for them.
Talk together about how sometimes your child may want to do something so he or she can be part of a group. Share your own experiences where you might have done something your didn’t want to do because you wanted other people to like you or you were too uncomfortable to say no.
Help your teen think through decisions about whether or not to do something friends want them to do.
They can ask themselves questions like:
- Is this something I’d do on my own or is it something I’m only doing because of my friend?
- Is it something that is wrong to do?
- How will I feel if I do it? Will I feel guilty? Will I have to hide it from others?
Remind them that they will be held responsible for their choices
Talk with them about how they would handle situations where a friend or peer wanted them to:
- Skip school
- Take drugs or drink
- Destroy someone’s property
- Steal something
- Pick on or tease another person
Teach and practice social skills like saying no to a friend and resisting offers that don’t interest them. Role play different situations so that they are prepared to handle the situations when when the arise.
Some possible responses include:
- “No thanks. I’m really allergic to smoke.”
- “Forget it - I’d be grounded.”
- “I could get kicked off the soccer team.”
- “I don’t drink.” Or “I don’t use drugs.”
- “No thanks. That’s really not my thing.”
- “No thanks. Just the thought of it makes me dizzy.”
- “Let’s go back to my house and play video games instead.”
Plan with your child how to handle a situation where there are drugs and alcohol or your child feels uncomfortable or unsafe. Plan a “code” word your child can use that let’s you know they want you to come pick them up immediately. “I forgot my key” could be the code. Having a plan makes it easier for your child to get out of a situation without telling their friends why they are leaving.
Help your child navigate challenging peer issues so they are able to choose the kind of friends they want in their lives.